An ingenious solution to a problem that should have never existed

7:40am: The one and only Sergio Perez looks a lot like Kamui Kobayashi
(I'm guessing. Radio commentary only damn you)

Oh, the slightly sticky eyes and fluffiness of stomach and brain that is the early morning F1 watching hangover (only without the drink because I'm not the lucky sod who got to take today off so much as I am the disorganised one who didn't think to in time) how I've missed you! With some if not total sincerity, even.

I know it often does rain in Melbourne when the F1 circus is in town but it never stops feeling vaguely wrong that it does that.

I'd think this is about as early as speculation into Massa's seat at Ferrari has gotten going if it wasn't for the fact it managed to start before the season started. Feeling a bit sorry for the HRT peeps, rushing around trying to fix their cars overnight and then de la Rosa getting like one installation lap and then having to put it back in the box. Mercedes looking like they had the right idea in not rushing their 2012 car, and Ferrari apparently back to the drawing board for the mark 2 already. Red Bull fairly fast and in other news water is wet. Massa had an off in FP1 and a few others followed that in FP2, though Kobayashi was more impressive about his near miss.

No, that's not Hulkenberg's engineer sympathising with the raining, it's more him doing the opposite of that. Johnny Herbert seemingly shilling for more work. Ross Brawn tightlipped about Mercedes shiny new and totally legal aerodynamics. Nobody wanting to take their toys out of the box and play with them in the rain. Concern for Karthikeyan's bottom after he and the HRT had a bit of a moment or three.

I guess they put Edwards in the commentary box for FP1 to get him back into the swim of commentating on things. Favourably impressed by the double him and Jaime Alguersari. Was fully prepared to wince about Toro Rosso/Riccardio/Vergne comments and was glad I didn't have to. I do wonder how Alguersari's future job prospects will affect what he says on air and vice versa though. Allen in FP2 was a bit more blunt (and maybe a bit more description of what was going on would be good) and I like the crew in the pitlane, even if it did seem like they needed hoicking out of the way of cars by whoever they were talking to more frequently than I remember the last lot so doing.

And Schumacher underlining Mercedes form be snecking over the line right after everyone else and landing the fastest lap.

It can be sleeptime now? (No, I have to go to work nobody will mind if I sleep there, right?)

10:31pm: I think I would rather Mark Allen win this one
The match, I mean. The tournament, I'm not so sure on yet. And not just because that would give him more opportunities to be awkward in press conferences and continue to irritate Barry Hearn, even if he can't keep his sticky tape on, though, gotta admit, that's a factor.

Seeing as we've reached the more relaxing stage of the tournament, by which I mean the time when John Higgins and Matthew Stevens have tied their shoelaces together and fallen over and out of the championship and I can stop worrying about results and properly enjoy the playing of the snooker. Carter maybe probably quitting at the end of the season?

That said, with a semi final line up of Robertson, Trump, Walden (thanking you for that result, Ricky, that was appreciated). It'll probably be Trump, though what exactly is up with his tie?) that takes the title, and if not him then Robertson (and if not either of them, then one of the other guys *covers all the bases*),

And now Allen's gone from leading 4-2 to losing 5-4; it's like a superpower, my ability to curse snooker players performances. Now if only I could harness my power for good.

9:57pm: Proper snooker! I missed you,
and now you are back. (Didn't you use to be taller longer?). And there are frames and no weird pockets and players can think about the shot they're taking. Not that there's always a great deal of evidence that that is happening, but well, they could do. (Power snooker - clearly I am not the intended audience for making snooker more fun and exciting by gimmicking it when it is clearly right up there with the sliced bread making machine already. Anyway.)

( Back in York! And so is the snooker. )

I think if Jan Verhaas told me to do something, it's very unlikely that he'd have to tell me twice.

Invisible!Matthew Stevens (or Sir not appearing on my TV at the moment) is doing quite well, beating the equally televisually challenged Marcus Campbell. Who Matthew technically outranks at the moments, but pfft like that is any guarantee of him beating people.

Aww, now Hendry and Maguire are making Jan Verhaas work for a living.

8:50pm: So if I clap my hands and say I don't believe in sugar comas
then I'll be totally fine, right?

Or maybe I could just look at my rugby winnings (which technically arrived a little bit ago, but I have been trying to ignore the internet and be productive. This has gone about as well as might be expected, yes.)

( No playing with your food? Yes. Right. )

10:54am: Fic - RPF Formula 1 - In heart and mind (the rest takes time)
Title: In heart and mind (the rest takes time)
Author: lakester
Source: Formula 1 (RPF)
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Fernando makes some questionable decisions in 2007. But Robert has never been one of them, and Fernando is determined that he won't be now. Fernando/Robert. Ensemble.
Notes: Written for a queer_fest prompt - Fernando Alonso/Any, No, it's not a marriage of convenience. Or a publicity stunt. And yes, he'll keep wearing the ring, thank you very much for asking.. Also, all of these guys are their own selves, and all of this is made up. 7.5k.

( Fernando Alonso... ...forgets the words and cannot sing in tune when he is drunk... ...is still not sure how he made 'chariot' rhyme with 'eggplant' )

1:38am: There is nothing important I could not teach you
So, there was this movie out this week. That I went to see. And by out I mean showing at, like, two cinemas in the combined supercounty that is Yorkshire, so hello, two and a half hour bus ride that seemed like a good idea at the time. At least there was no Pennine crossing involved, because it was surely looking like an option yesterday. Possibly I should have checked how far away the bus and train stations were from each other. The cinema (little, old arthouse type) seemed more full than probably usual, though a guy two people behind me in the queue outside was on the mobile to someone, 'yeah, I think it's about racing cars?'

And I'm not sticking chronologically here, but I'm fairly sure the image supposed to stick in my head like nothing else was not ( cut for Senna movie spoilers and much rambling )

I'm glad I went to see it, and I think I want to see it again and it made me thinky and kind of disconnected and now it's like I want to do something except I don't know what that is.

10:24pm: Where Judd Trump is left considering his holiday plans
And John Higgins needs to figure out where to put another trophy.

Two snookers for the frame, the match and the title.

Just wow. (If a little bit like stomping on someone else's fairy story. Though the commentary on that sort of slanted away from throughout the evening session as the game itself kinda nudged into his favour.)

That was something of a very enthusiastic (and also long) ovation on the start of the evening session, no? One very gleeful audience. First frames all shared, 15-14. I think Hendry might just be waiting in an alleyway for Steve Davis for some of his comments though. Judd Trump twittering from the interval? Higgins with just the edge after the interval and slowly edging out a lead. Judd trying to fight back, but just not quite there, and pulling faces at the camera.

Then Higgins needing two snookers when Judd potted the final red but couldn't follow it up with a colour, ending up with a snooker on the pink and shortly after that a fourth world title, a trophy, and a bit of an interview with Hazel that left him just about crying.

And then rained on by bits of coloured paper. Wow. Did not expect that from last night.

4:47pm: We still don't know. We haven't got a clue.
If there's an easy way to play a snooker match I wish someone would tell John Higgins what it is because evidently he still hasn't managed to figure it out all on his own.

13-12, and I think I have managed to chew my fingers down to the quick. I don't know what I'll have to manage for tonight. I think I like the new breaking up of frames that they've got going on for the final. The way someone's always going to be in front after the pause/interval/thingummy.

Judd Trump starting very much in the way that he ended the last session (coming in with a 10-7 lead as he did) Higgins taking the first frame, but taking his time about it and Judd making the second one look easier, long pot-wise anyway. Whee, tension and the effect on a guy's right/left arm. There's not a lot of places you can leave the cue ball and not leave Judd in a pottable position, (see: last and current sessions and also matches). John a bit lucky with that one, to get in if not to make a century. And another 90+ from Judd, so all level in the mini-session making it 9-12 overall.

The problem with trying to make a comeback when the other guy just keeps potting the balls. Judd starting to miss the odd long one now though, mostly blues. And by mostly I mean, like two. First frame after the tea break (with the kith and kin maybe? both lots down supporting their peeps), and no Parrott in the studio today? a bit of a scramble that nearly puts Trump into a four frame advantage but goes Higgins' way. And the next one too, looking a bit less like he's about to miss every next shot he plays, which is good.

Finally a century from Higgins in the third and how lucky was he with some of the positionals? All level into the final frame of the session. Time to bring out the rock/granite/gears metaphors, I see. So, a four frame trudge more than run to as slim an advantage as possible going into the evening, at 13-12 to John Higgins, and without Judd doing much different in the first half than he did in the second, much.

Huh.

3:49pm: "Don't take any notice of that, John. Don't let it upset you."
So, John Higgins is losing at the snooker. (Spoiler - this is no longer the case (at the mid-session interval, it might be now if now is later)). I had hoped it would take longer.

Judd's long potting is really working out for him there.

John has evidently decided that if Judd wants to keep scoring all the points then he can just score points for him instead.

I see Hendry has changed his mind about not being able to criticise the players from the commentary box.

'There's no-one better in the game at winning frames from fifty or sixty behind' - Hendry. Well, there's very few people who need to do so quite so often.

John snookering himself on the pink, 'the last thing he thought would happen', That just shows an appalling lack of imagination on his part. If a shot can go wrong it will go wrong and with as many years as he's got it oughtn't be a surprise. And they're done chasing the pink ball around the table, as it pauses at 2-2.

Aww, they've got Hazel and John and Steve and Ken all together!

9:58pm: If you were to make a mould for a snooker player...
..you'd take it from John Higgins.

Ken Doherty wanting to cover John in clay, just there. Or some kind of molten metal, custard, cream, whatever works. Plotting the next generation of snooker playing robots.

( So now I've got to watch the final from between my fingers again. He does like drawing out the agony, I'll give him that. )

7:02pm: If it was round, he went for it
Something like that, anyway. I'm not sure how Higgins managed to win the morning session 6-2 playing like that. Even when Williams was going through one of his cannot-pot-a-ball, what-am-I-doing-here, what-is-this-strange-game-called-snooker-you-speak-of?

Mark J Williams, where the J stands for 'just trying anything at the minute' looking to reverse his losses this morning against John 'more difficult than it needs to be' Higgins. To play Judd Trump, a young man who was all of three years old when these two turned professional and figured they could make something of a living out of wearing a waistcoat and bowtie.

( *brings out the metaphorical popcorn* )

9:56pm: If I can feel better about playing badly then I might hang around
I have a lollipop and I have snooker on the TV, snooker which is attempting to self-induce nostalgia regarding Higgins and Williams from when they were young and had slightly different haircuts. Williams who walks straight past the BBC commentators and nearly doesn't come back, Higgins who couldn't sleep after his match with O'Sullivan.

Pffft, obviously it is just too simple to pot the yellow ball in the pocket you were aiming for, John?

( That the snooker players on the TV just aren't listening to me isn't going to stop me talking to them )

Also I made a thing , (Higgins, 1993-4 season onward) which doesn't fit into iconspace even in black and white, curse the duration of his snooker playing career or my icon making skills. Probably the latter. He manages the former all by himself most of the time.

11:41pm: See if you can hit the yellow
At the moment I am watching Ding be a bit better at snooker than he apparently was earlier this morning. In the part of this day that was this morning.

That's not true anymore. I got distracted by Mcleod and Higgins coming back from their cups of tea. Tea they probably even had to make themselves. Must've taken a long time to boil in the ( morning session, or someone needs to insert some strategic dynamite )

Rob Walker mocking visiting Europeans for having a crush on Hazel, offering free stuff for questions (Ronnie O'Sullivan beat John Higgins in the world final with which scoreline, etc) and then going to talk to Steve Davis in the commentary box about snooker. Or trying to talk about snooker while Davis was trying to talk about the game of magnetic chess he was playing against himself. (It's just like regular chess except the pieces don't fall off the board) Hazel and Ken waving at people before doing their pre-recording.

The refs don't get any music of their own? ( No. They don't. But then the music is really just the opportunity to mock the players for their musical taste. ) And yes. I'm not sure if that counts as a flattering scoreline or not. Certainly, if he get through he'll have to play better if he wants to continue to progress.

12:26am: I don't know what you put in his sandwiches
I feel like John Parrott has been missing from the commentating more than usual the last few days, to the point where it is mostly Steve and Ken with Hazel or Rishi.

I hope Mark Williams has reported his tummy bug officially to whoever it is that takes note of these things. Not that its been affecting his performance any as Cope could probably testify. Made him look a bit silly there as provisional as his number one status might be.

Is there a snooker player playing who doesn't have a Terry Griffiths on hand for tea and sandwiches? Certainly he wasn't managing to be quite as impartial as maybe in his match with Hawkins. Not that going from 7-3 down to 10-7 up isn't impressive regardless, and Allen seemed back to his rabbitting self. Would have rather the end result had gone the other way, (as apparently I am easily swayed to players who the BBC take to a bird sanctuary type place and film with brightly coloured parrots and less obviously decorative hawks.) I am looking forward to hear/watching a match where Griffiths is having to support both players on the table (and having to make twice the tea!)

Dott and Trump are through with varying degrees of ease. O'Sullivan is playing a good game against Murphy (save for a bit of a midsession blip) to lead a reassuring 6-2, Selby is playing a better one against Hendry (or at least a game further into the lead). Hendry very much was looking like he did not want to be there, and really I can't see him facing the prospect of potential qualifying matches next season with equanimity. How far does he need to get to be sure of not having to do that, for the start of the season, anyway?

Sometimes it's nice to watch a player be just a class above their opponent. Sometimes it's just plain awkward.

12:32am: '...my opinion. It's usually right.'
O'Sullivan appears to be on an upswing again now after beating Dale. And fairly comfortably too, if without the 147, if'n he needed the extra £10k. I didn't realise/know/had forgotten that they let Rob Walker ( actually talk to players )

Speaking of daft haircuts, Mark Allen and Matthew Stevens were playing today, looking all very sober and sensible. Still with Stevens sticking his feet in the air on his shots, one at a time a'course. Started off scrappy and with the frames shared fairly even. Must be the first time that I can recall where John Virgo wasn't cursing the miss rule for its existance. Terry going to make tea for his player in the interval. Match seems to be running to the make a 50, trip over own feet, watch the other guy win it. Allen with a bit more luck than Stevens at making it over the line in one go.

If I'd been asked for my 'top 10 sports in which the weather is an important factor' snooker would not be on the list, probably not the top 20 either. Maybe the top 50, but probably only because I'd be running out of sports I know the name of. But apparently the weather is too humid/warm/springy outside and is messing up the weight of the cloth or the table. Well. It's a theory, I suppose.

And nobody wants to win the final frame, a bunch of chances on both their parts, and Stevens' long pot success rate is through the floor, or 36%. ( Has he perhaps considered a blindfold? )

That'd be way too easy for snooker.

11:28am: Racing in Shanghai - with sets of boots that last for whole laps but not whole races
Rollerskating in white, okay then.

Button and Hamilton are very, very orange in their qualifying overalls. Mechanics lining the pit-lane with boxes and trolleys of stuff. 'With most teams I'm just working on the other one' Heidfeld talking about trying to win and you know the championship. Maybe not this year though. Renault boss nervous about the start and the first corner.

Martin doing a talking feature about KERS by looking at the Williams technical stuff – 'Williams have invited us into their preparation unit' ( we're not sneaking in however much it may look it, (also Vettel with sticky tape, Hamilton with too much fuel in his engine and Jake not getting hit by cars, but no robots) )

Mclaren – engine was working an hour ago, think they flooded the engine. Not sure why. Need to connect an engine harness on the grid. One move blocking not applying on the start. Signage blocking the front of Massa's Ferrari, Hamilton's engine as fixed as it's going to get, Hamilton not able to take a bathroom break. Mark being told who's on what tyres.

Vettel makes a slow start, ( Of course, slow with a Red Bull is all kinds of relative, (with important starts, a confused Alonso, an even more confused Button and a downright perplexed garage-full of Red Bull mechanics and it all coming down to tyres) )

Horner talking up Mark's performance ( also with controlled Mclaren panic, variably happy Ferrari drivers, Heidfeld without too many eyes and mood breaking forklift trucks )

Next up, if quite a bit slower, snooker.

12:53pm: The Malaysian GP - Push the button and activate the acronym
No umbrellas out in Sepang. Yet.

( Calling it the driver tracker makes it sound like they're tagged like an endangered species )

Webber has a problem on the formation lap.

( Containing race-craft by world class drivers who don't like each other, some fairly good stuff by some lacking in (those specific) grudges and Vitaly Petrov's bruised coccyx )

Talking to Horner and recommending that he ties ( something to his foot. )

Eddie is apparently much cooler now Coulthard isn't there ( talking DRS, suspicious chocolate, brake testing and precisely how soon into the season is appropriate to debate the security of Massa's Ferrari seat )

10:16am: Sleep is for other people, racing cars for me (and __ million other people too)
So, promotionally wise Webber got to drive his car so long as he promised not to speed on the bridge and Vettel tried his hand at sheep shearing. Can't help but think Mark got the better end of the deal. There, anyway, though with Vettel on pole... ( contains cones, silence, a 'reasonably spirited' very wide Ferrari, a couple of drive through penalties, a wonky Mclaren underside and two KERS-less Red Bulls ) That's a long walk they've got to get to the podium.

Horner reckoning they didn't use KERS during the race, ran it on Friday and decided to take it off the cars for reliability purposes. ( contains immediate reaction, selective vision on the part of Mclaren and a very happy third placed driver )

After the race, David starts talking about the Toro Rosso and looking at its insides. Because it is interesting really, 'Are you listening to me, Jake?' Talking about the Mercedes garage being blocked up, and Eddie complimenting the Red Bull garage for being all open, ( contains rewind buttons, cake, ripped jeans, two out of three people who don't know anything and Perez's teeth )

10:50pm: There's something morbidly fascinating...
...about watching snooker players, not falling over with their shoelaces tied together exactly. Because the standard of play of the current crop of first round exits - Selby, Carter, Williams, Higgins, O'Sullivan - hasn't been ( green so much as it's cabbage-looking. )

Maguire is trying very hard to make sure he's not the next domino in the ( biff-bang-wallop )

2:10am: Yuletide - from and for me
So for this yuletide I got a Earth: Final Conflict story - New World by Lazulia. It's pre-season Boone and Da'an, where there is cynicism and hopefulness post the Taelons arrival on Earth and Zo'or is as lacking in any positivity as the series ever showed. I like the connection it shows that Da'an has with Earth, how the Taelons look to humans outside their circle but mostly I like the conflictedness of hope and suspicion in Boone and the pull he feels even before he meets Da'an. So just like the series, really, and you should go read it. And I should go icon-hunting.

And I wrote Discworld fic for lefaym, which (after thinking for a bit, and hitting up LM Montgomery's work on Project Gutenberg and thinking some more) was a gen Tiffany-centric story in the aftermath of 'I shall wear midnight' in which Tiffany is still the big wee hag and life on the Chalk doesn't stop when stories have to. Including Tiffany not quite having an apprentice, but definitely having Nac Mac Feegles, cheeses and explanations, ones she even gives sometimes.

Title: The Flint in the Chalk
Summary: Stories bend lives around them to survive, but life goes on after the story ends. Tiffany's still the witch of the Chalk, the people there are still her people, and there's still witching in plenty to be done. Maybe with time enough for a happy ending.

12:17am: Fic - Snooker - The man I used to be
Okay so, there was this snooker match, and ten years before there was this other snooker match and John Higgins won them both and Mark Williams didn't win either (don't worry, there were other times and places when the opposite was also true) and then this fell out of my brain because of it, mostly.

Title: The man I used to be
Author: lakester
Source: Snooker (RPF)
Rating: PG
Summary: Winning the UK championship. It's just like it was ten years ago. Except for how for John Higgins it really really is. Now is a very fluid concept. (Gen. Lies.)

( John doesn't try to tell himself that it's the glare of the camera flashes that makes his eyes water )

12:02am: Discworld - Yuletide fic - The Flint in the Chalk
[backdating my yuletide fic]

Title: The Flint in the Chalk
Source: Discworld
Rating: G
Summary: Stories bend lives around them to survive, but life goes on after the story ends. Tiffany's still the witch of the Chalk, the people there are still her people, and there's still witching in plenty to be done. Maybe with time enough for a happy ending.

( But for now she'd had enough of darkness )

11:52pm: Seriously, I'd swear the guy lives to gives me heart attacks
Mark took the first frame to go 7-3 up, and though Higgins pegged back one frame and then the next but Mark had the fourth to level the mini-session to make it 8-4.

After their teabreak though, and aren't Hazel and John and Steve all nicely co-ordinated. ( And they made Steve wander about outside in the cold and snow )

Huh, I know I've missed some games but this is about the first rest play I remember seeing this tournament. Oh, John managed to put a nice break together there. And Mark made a good break there and John needs snookers ( one at least, to stay in the match )

UK champion and world number one and £100,000 not bad for a days work really.

4:44pm: 'Aim for the bits that aren't the cushions' - Steve Davis
That's some very epic music there.

How did Mark not get that blue? For someone whose handle's the Welsh potting machine ( it's more than a bit weird that he's got rep ) for taking time to go for a teabreak.

I wonder if it feels weird, now, for Ken Doherty. Commentating on the games rather than playing them. Not that he's given that up and all, and on his day, you know. But there's something more odd about hearing his talking over John and Mark than it is when it's someones else.

Is that Mark ( practising ) like he'd been there, done that, bought the waistcoat and was planning on taking the silverware home with him.

10:20pm: Playing like its 1999...
...except not quite, because there is no Matthew Stevens in the final, but we're halfway there.

A Higgins/Williams final tomorrow then.

*waits*

For a guy who's game was falling apart in the middle there, Mark certainly made a bit of a turn around there. And turned up on time unlike certain referees who didn't. The minor Williams' are probably really tired after staying up so late to watch their dad. Murphy must've thought he was already over the line, I guess. Except for how he didn't start playing worse so much as Mark started playing better.

*waits more*

Is it Sunday yet?